What’s the matter with you Hobgoblin?

Q – If a hobgoblin is a mythical creature made up of two other mythical creatures, why would a pub want to brand itself after one?
A – Because it will attract geeks like flies round the proverbial.

Geeks are big business. As the cost of Games Workshop models and Starwars collector’s pieces shows, the Geek Dollar is sort after market for companies to mine. It is perhaps unsurprising, therefore, that someone would eventually attempt to start a geek pleasing range of pubs. Whether this is exactly what Wychwood Breweries aimed to do when it was founded in 1983 is a matter for founders Paddy Glenny and Chris Moss, but it is certainly what they’ve achieved.

Wychwood Brewies is best known for it’s 4.5% strong dark ale Hobgoblin which is sold in a number of pubs that have since attracted or adopted the label ‘Hobgoblin pubs’. Though not a single franchise, the degree of uniformity in these pubs’ clientele is remarkable and of two types – CAMRAs and Bad Geeks. CAMRAs are followers of the Campaign for Real Ale, a superb grass-roots organisation that has done much for the quality of British beer in its 39 years in existence. Bad Geeks are not Unacceptable Geeks who make mistakes in the deployment of their geekery. Bad Geeks revel in wearing T-shirts with wizards on, quoting Tolkien and playing Magic the Gathering in public. These are the people who give geeks a bad name.

The Acceptable Geek Club has many gripes with Bad Geeks and will come to them all in time. For now, we will suffice with just one criticism that we shall no doubt meet again – their ignorance.

As has been said before, music geekery is the most acceptable form of geekery. Beer geekery, however, cannot be far behind. Beer enjoys a high standing in British culture and so knowledge of it, correctly deployed, cannot be a bad thing. However, as with all forms of geekery, when such knowledge becomes your first line of conversation it becomes a bore; and when it becomes a gospel to preach it becomes an annoyance. Bad Geeks are always too keen to preach their current obsession and assert it’s superiority to anything that sways vaguely close to the mainstream of culture. At the same time, should anything they heap praise upon then enter the mainstream it then becomes a target of derision for “selling out”.

Hobgoblin, with it’s ridiculous ‘What's the matter Lagerboy, afraid you might taste something?’ tagline, is everything Bad Geeks love. Niche and yet aggressively assured of its superiority, they flock to it and turn it into another badge of honour to go with their unwashed hair, ZZ Top mimicking beards and aversion to any kind of physical exercise. Is it the greatest beer in the world? Perhaps (its cider is certainly top notch). But does this mean that the entire lager drinking population of the world lack taste buds? Given that lager sales far surpass those of ale, which is largely an English peculiarity ignored on continental Europe, we very much doubt it. As usual, the Bad Geek takes a genuine concern (the poverty of British lagers) turns it into canon and becomes more ridiculous as the “narrow-minded trendies” he so despises.

Wychwood Breweries is a successful company which, intentionally or not, has found itself a stable market base. It should, however, beware the Bad Geek. If it wishes to expand its market it may be time to kick the fat roleplayers out of the corner. There is only so much of them that the general public can take.

Gleek = Geek or Geek = Gleek?

The Gleek, defined by Urban Dictionary as someone who is obsessed with the show Glee, is the growth social identity of 2010. Fox’s teen musical cum high school drama has enjoyed infectious popularity since its US debut a year ago and has even bagged a Golden Globe for Best TV Show – Musical or Comedy. Given that the term Gleek is seemingly applicable to 90% of females aged 15-30 the first part of our title is clearly redundant. Though their love of Glee may be obsessive, obsessive love does not a geek make. Otherwise our club would have to open it’s metaphorical doors to teeny boppers and sociopaths.

A more interestingly line of inquiry is whether geeks should be Gleeks. The Acceptable Geek Club firmly believes that Glee should be watched without prejudice. Though the trials and tribulations of a high school music society are hardly traditional geek fare, Glee deserves your attention as both a social phenomenon and, put simply, a quality program. Glee’s position as a cultural juggernaught needs no defence here - a quick skim of it’s charts success will suffice. However, we anticipate our second claim may meet with some resistance.

Besides it’s writing pedigree (two the show’s creators previously worked on Nip/Tuck), Glee should appeal to most Acceptable Geeks for one reason – covers. The most acceptable form of geekery is music geekery. Intricate knowledge of obscure album tracks has been cool since long before Nick Hornby publicised it and is unlikely to go out of fashion as long as music maintains it prominence in popular culture. For geeks, music is perhaps the one thing it is wholly acceptable to have a savant like knowledge of and enthuse about wildly. The same cannot be said of film and television, which can always cloak the sceptre of Trekkerism.

As Radio 1’s Live Lounge suggests, the most acceptable form of music geekery is knowledge of covers. Covers are an Acceptable Geek’s dream. Endlessly debatable, easily accessible and thrilling to be introduced to, a geek with a good record collection (or nowadays knowledge of Youtube) will never be short of a cover to dazzle with. Glee is the king of covers. Whilst a parade of shoe-gazing indie bands perfunctorily pluck their way through the latest R&B chart topper with an increasing lack of originality, Glee is treading the road less travelled. Be it AC/DC or U2, Kanye or Queen William McKinley High School’s finest have covered every kind of popular music imaginable. Unlike other covers shows like BBC’s Over The Rainbow, Glee is more than just a musical theatre mash up – the styles are as diverse as the content.

Glee’s covers seem set to dominate the charts till at least the Olympics. Though some are undoubtedly awful many surpass the originals (notably All American Rejects Gives You Hell). Performed by a superbly talented cast led by break-out star Matthew Morrison (Will Schuester) even the most hard-nosed indie snob will find it hard not to love something here. Surprisingly, Glee also manages to deal with issues of disability and homosexuality in a wholly un-PC yet affecting manner which puts other shows to shame.

Love it or hate it, Glee is the most influential show of 2010. Any geek with pretensions to musical taste cannot hope to ignore it. Should he, he may not find himself acceptable any more.

Especially for who?

The Acceptable Geek Club is worried about love. As we have said before, it is not just school girls that dream about someone in shining armour coming and rescuing them. Geeks just want rescuing from different things.
The Acceptable Geek Club is also worried about presents. Giving a present to the one you love is a fine art. In the early stages of a relationship a present for a birthday or Christmas can certainly feel like a make or break deal. Perhaps it is. Regardless, in every loving relationship there should be a desire to buy a present that will please one’s partner, and there is an expectation of receiving one in return. How else will you know if that person really knows you?
The first rule is simple: never buy a present for you or for who you want your partner to be. By all means take your girlfriend to see City of God, it will broaden her appreciation of world cinema and the social problems of developing countries. However, buying it her as a present with the same motivation is not acceptable. Similarly, do not buy her Super Mario Bros Wii or the complete novels of Dan Abnett on the grounds that you will “both enjoy it”. You won’t.
However, this is hardly revolutionary stuff. What worries us more is the tendency of newly domesticated geeks to throw money at their respective partners without a thought for the consequences. £100 necklaces? Champagne and oysters at Gordon Ramsey’s? We’ve seen it all on modest incomes by people with cheap tastes.
To be clear, there is nothing wrong with money and spending it on the one you love. Whilst the Acceptable Geek Club has issues with capitalism, it accepts that it is by far the best system for geeks and others to live in. However, what is discouraging is the kind of people that operate within that system and their peculiar attitudes, particularly towards presents. For many a geek the equation for buying presents is simple: expensive = good and expensive jewellery = double plus good. There is nothing intrinsic in capitalism that encourages this attitude, but it does permit it and the art of buying presents is disfigured as a result.
As with most art, once the primary goal becomes the spending and generating of money real value is usually lost. Yes, a silver Celtic cross may cost £100 and come in a nice Tiffany’s box but does it say anything to your loved one? Are they Christian? Are they Celtic? Do they even like and/or suit silver? To really touch someone takes thought, not money. Geeks are thinkers. Geeks are creative. Geeks should be great at presents.
Do not fear spending money on something they will really love, but do not spend lots of money in the hope that they will love it. Rather, look to the simple things like cards, mix tapes or a particularly beautiful, hand crafted, fair trade bracelet. If possible, make or plan something yourself. This will say more about you, and your feelings for them than a thousand gaudy watches. This may not even be the most expensive item you buy them, but for better or worse it will be the one they remember. And if the person don’t love it, the person ain’t worth it.